Why ‘Having it All’ Is a Myth—And What Working Parents Should Strive for Instead
Carla Greenan Greenan, Founder 
Learn how to build a life that works for your family as a working parent, instead of trying to 'Have it All'
Is “Having It All” Really the Working Parents' Mark of Success?
When women entered the workforce in droves, the phrase “having it all” became a rallying cry. It painted a picture of the ideal working mom (and, to a lesser extent, the ideal working dad):
A professional powerhouse who also managed a spotless home, cooked organic meals, attended every school event, and still made time for self-care.
At first glance, it sounds inspiring. But scratch beneath the surface, and you’ll see why this standard is both unrealistic and unfair. For starters, having it all assumes that success means doing everything, all the time, without help. It doesn’t acknowledge the mental load that working parents—especially working moms—carry. It also ignores the structural barriers that make work-life harmony so difficult, from rigid job expectations to the high cost of childcare.
Most importantly, it suggests that if you don’t feel like you “have it all,’ you must be failing. And that’s simply not true.
What Working Parents Should Strive for Instead
Instead of chasing an impossible standard, working moms and dads should focus on what truly matters: building a life that aligns with your values and your unique family dynamic.
Here’s What That Can Look Like:
Define Your Version of Success—Instead of aiming for a vague, all-encompassing ideal, get clear on what success means to you. Does it mean leaving work on time so you can enjoy dinner with your kids? Does it mean pursuing a passion project or side hustle while maintaining a flexible schedule?
Prioritize What’s Important—Not everything is urgent. Not everything deserves your energy. Learn to say no. Say no to extra work projects, to unnecessary commitments, to unrealistic expectations, and create space for what truly matters.
Ask for Help—No one does it alone. Even those people who tout “self-made” like their lives depend on it. Whether it’s leaning on a partner, hiring support, or building a community, sharing the load is a wildly underrated sign of strength.
How to Create Systems That Work for Your Family
Every family is different, which means there’s no one-size-fits-all solution. However, having over a decade of coaching experience under my belt has helped me to fine-tune strategies that can help working moms, dads, and parents create systems. Not hacks or tricks. Systems that bring more ease and balance into daily life.
Streamline Household Responsibilities
Use a Shared Calendar—Whether it’s a digital calendar or a paper planner, having a central place (see also: command station) where both parents can see work schedules, school events, and household tasks can prevent last-minute surprises (and arguments).
Divide and Conquer—If one parent is always the default for certain responsibilities (like remembering to schedule well-child visits or packing lunches), have an honest conversation about redistributing tasks. (If you would like a little extra help or clarity around this, check out my Who’s It resource.)
Outsource When Possible—If it’s within your budget, outsource things like meal prep, cleaning, or grocery shopping can free up valuable time and mental space.
Create Work Boundaries
Set Clear Work Hours—If you have the flexibility, establish clear start and end times for work. Resist the urge to check emails or “just finish one more thing” once the workday is over. (Quick Tip: Treat your cellphone like a landline phone once you’re in family mode for the day. Connect it to the charger in the kitchen or room and leave it there. It reduces the temptation to mindlessly check it.)
Communicate with Your Employer—Many workplaces are becoming more open to flexible arrangements. If you need adjustments, like working from home a few days a week or shifting your hours, talk to your employer about reasonable accommodations.
Use Your PTO—Don’t let guilt stop you from taking the time off you’ve earned. Toxic hustle culture has created a society that believes rest is a moral failing, and because of this, we’re seeing unprecedented levels of burnout. Use your vacation days, mental health days, and sick leave. Your family, mental health, and employer will thank you in the long run.
Make Time to Fill Your Cup
Prioritize Quality Time Over Quantity—You don’t need to spend every waking moment with your kids to be a great parent. In fact, this study from UC Irvine shows parents spend DOUBLE the amount of time with their children as they did 50 years ago. And yet, working parents still feel the squeeze of guilt for working. Here’s a reframe for you: What matters most is being present when you are together, whether that’s during bedtime stories, weekend outings, or a simple conversation over breakfast.
Don’t Forget Yourself—Your needs matter, too. Whether it’s exercise, hobbies, or quiet time, making space for yourself isn’t selfish; it’s necessary for your well-being.
Find Community—Connecting with other working parents can be a game-changer. Whether it’s a local parent group, an online community, or even just a friend who gets it, having support makes a difference.
How to Let Go of Perfection
One of the biggest challenges I see when coaching working parents is the pressure to be perfect in every role. But perfection isn’t the goal. Let go of the idea that you have to be a perfect parent, a perfect employee, and a perfect partner all at the same time. Being perfect is not “having it all”; being present for the things you love is the real mark of having it all.
Here’s What That Can Look Like:
Give yourself permission to be imperfect—It’s okay if the laundry piles up and if the dishwasher isn’t emptied. Are there clean clothes to wear and clean dishes to eat off of? Then, putting them away can wait. It’s okay if dinner is takeout sometimes. Pizza and movie nights are some of my kids’ favorite and most cherished memories.
Celebrate Small Wins—Acknowledge what you are doing well. Did you have a great bedtime routine with your child? Did you complete a project at work that made you proud? Did you take five minutes to breathe and reset in a moment of dysregulation? Write those down in a journal, and you’ll see pretty quickly how the small wins make for a great life.
Teach Your Kids That Success Looks Different Every Day—Study after study shows that children don’t need a parent who does everything flawlessly; they just need one who treats them with love and honesty and is present in the moment.
The idea of “having it all” sets working parents up for failure. Instead of chasing unrealistic goals, focus on building a life that actually works for you and your family. Define success on your terms, set up systems that make daily life easier, and give yourself permission to ask for help.
You don’t have to do and have it all, you just have to do what matters most to you. And remember, You’ve Got This!
Want to learn more about the systems that create a smoother-running home? Sign up for our five-day challenge here!
Categories: : Burnout, Working Parents